Saturday, 20 August 2016
At some point, I was afraid of going to school
So, in today's post we are going to explore a weird fear of mine, which is or was going to school.
Growing up, I was always pressured by my parents to study and be the best at everything. Being young and vulnerable, I would listen to their demands of me studying. I wasn't the best, which made my parents a little frustrated, which had a negative impact on myself. I would hate going to school. If it wasn't for that handful of friends, I would have been a lonely kid. Later in life, I made the choice of switching schools and choosing another profile with other things to study. Things have gotten a lot better. But still, the pressure was there, both encouraged by my parents and teachers. I would come home and study for the next day's subjects, no mather which one. Even in Highschool I had subjects I disliked, even hated. But I kept studying just to please my parents and teachers. Maybe even subconciously I was pleasing myself because that was all I knew. Having good grades elevated me in the eyes of many people. They haven't elevated me in mine, but still it was something.
At some point, I hated going to school. I didn't want to take that quiz in Biology or Maths because I didn't want to study. Not didn't have the time( which in some cases was what happened) but didn't want to. I was too tired from a recent quiz or a recent event, so I just didn't want to bother going. And other classmates who dichted that quiz totally made me frustrated and stressed and left me feeling like life was unfair. I was demonstrated later the effects of them dithcing. They were either punished with taking the test again and alone or just beeing graded somehow. I was a little happy that at least I wasn't being miserable alone. But the ease of my classmates also infuriated me because they could have straight eights and I was expected at least a nine. And I wasn't aloud to have less than that at exam subjects. This made me realise how focused we are on small things like grades. My physics teacher said something really smart after catching me cheat on a test. In life, there are things that will bring me down far worse than grades. So what you would have gotten a 4 today? Someday your loved ones could die. Isn't that worse.
After crying and calming, I took in her words which were filled with wisdom. I will remember to tell this to my kids when I'll have them.
Another suprise and good example was when a friend of mine was straight 4 in some subjects and would barely pass at exam subjects. In the end, he had straight 8 in the exams and entered colledge without problems. Everybody underestimated him. But in the end, he had the last word. He wasn't stressed until senior year in highschool. And he passed in grades in the exam a lot of good students. I wish I was like him at this point. Carefree in Hichschool while kicking ass when it was the right time. He wasn't expected to succed. While I was. Can you imagine my pressure?
That's all I have for you guys today. Please leave my feedback somehow. And don't forget to life in the present!
Much love :)